Perhaps it was the anguish that he suffered through for three years. Or the fact that he, for a fraction second, thought of doubting him. And this had accumulated itself in a repelling guilt that hit him every time he looked at a case, every time he looked in a mirror.
It crushed him. Life without Sherlock Holmes. God, the times that he wanted to punch him in the face could not account for the times he felt the impulsive need to stay by his side. He wasn’t John. He couldn’t be John. That was very much obvious to him and he had come to accept it. He even let John into his life as well.
It wasn’t happiness that the three of them had created. No, happiness and Sherlock were two words that didn’t mix. If anything, he probably deleted what that was, the git.
But it was home. It was something he had tried to build with his wife, but failed out of the sheer forcefulness that was used. What they had was easy.
So when Sherlock Holmes, burst into his office once more, he was sure it was a illusion. The dark, curly mess of hair, his bright eyes, and his collar turned upward. Everything in his mind shut down. The cup he had been holding as he had walked around the the desk collided with the floor.
“I need you to help me.” His voice was so small, so desperate. Lestrade’s resolve nearly broke. One of many bruises covered his left cheekbone and his thin-to-the-bone hands were shaking.
There were so many thoughts he wanted to voice. He went through every emotion imaginable in a matter of seconds until he walked over and pulled his shaking body into his arms. Sherlock’s head fell on his shoulder, his body slumped against his.
Lestrade felt his eyes burn and did not speak a sound.
He didn’t need to as the man before him knew every word.
Title: The Love of a Ghost
Author: Invidia
Characters: Lestrade, Gregson
Genres: friendship, angst
Summary: Lestrade faces the most difficult struggle. The struggle of losing the person most important to him. His constant. Five words could sum up everything. ‘I should have been there.’
http://archiveofourown.org/works/267791
“Goddamn it! Gregson, you smug bastard, stay with me. You can’t- You can’t just leave me alone. You promised you would have my back. We’re partners, damn it! It doesn’t matter how much you mocked me and how much I yelled at you. I-I didn’t think- It doesn’t end here for you- for us.”
- Lestrade
The reason Tobias Gregson wasn’t in “A Study in Pink” was because he had died years before.
Lestrade and Gregson had been partners for quite a while and always had a tendency to bicker like like a old married couple. One case in particular, they got into a heated argument about what direction the case was taking and followed different leads in stubbornness.
Lestrade later had went back to the police station empty handed. He asked if Gregson had returned. He had not. Lestrade reluctantly decided to help him follow up his leads and went out to find him. He reached the location of the first lead and saw that the door was open. He quickly ran to back to see a man running the brink of the forest. And then he saw a blonde man, shot and writhing on the ground.
He ran to his side and Gregson looked up at him in pain. He still managed to put that stupid smug grin on face. Lestrade was shaking as he dialed 911. He demanding Gregson to stay with him. He pleading him. He accusing him of breaking the promise they had made to always have each other’s backs, selfishly so.
All he got was: “I’m sorry, kiddo.” And then silence.
Lestrade wasn’t sure how long he clung to his dead body. How he long cried.
Every year he visits Gregson’s grave and place one purple hyacinth upon. The flower that symbolizes regret and pleads for forgiveness.
